Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
