wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
