You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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