Acid is not a monday night drug
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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