why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
