he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
