okay pat passed out under dana's car
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
