I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
