she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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