just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
