I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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