So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
