Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
