i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
