We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
