why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
