Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
