if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
