You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
