Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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