If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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