well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
