why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
