You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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