They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
