Betty ford says i'm here all night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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