you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
