so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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