How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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