their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
