My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
