I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
