So drunk its hurt
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
