she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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