Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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