Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
