thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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