You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
