i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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