found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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