in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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