Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
