Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
