I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
