it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
