yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I just sharted jello shots
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
