So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
