My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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