It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
