dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
