I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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