I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
