i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
