it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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